“You’ve changed” they say,
Every other person, every other day.
“You used to be kinder and more open hearted,
What the hell happened, what made you this way?”
I know they’ll try to step into my shoes,
They always do,
Wondering what in the world could make a person so bruised,
But they never seem to find an answer that fits in with their views.
So, I’m abandoned by every other person, every other day,
Alone with no one to call my own, no one to stay.
I won’t say I’m surprised when they tell me,
“It’s not going work out, okay?”
But it breaks my heart,
The feeling of loss doesn’t go away.
Always going through cycles of overthinking and trying not to care,
Honestly, I’ve only wanted one person to truly be there.
I’ll tell you what I tried to tell them,
Time doesn’t heal,
It’s just a momentary lie that creates momentary faith.
Sure, it kept me going, but only for so long.
People who say it gets better couldn’t be more wrong.
The pain was hellfire,
And after years of failing to blow it out,
I walked into it straight,
Sick of giving excuses, accepting my fate.
I set myself afire, thinking it was the end,
Yet as I came out of the flames, I breathed.
I didn’t have arms,
I had wings instead.
The person who I was, to the fire I had bequeathed.
Of course, that was not something they would admire,
They would have me fall into the pits of sorrow and writhe in pain,
For my adoring “friends” it was a grand sight, watching my life go to waste.
So, the last thing I told them after I was reincarnated from the ashes,
It’s not my fault that the Phoenix I’ve become,
Is not to your taste.
I won’t apologise for becoming something you disdain,
I won’t apologise for the outcome,
Of unending pain.
So, slowly I learnt to step from away from every other person, every other day,
I think I’ve turned out okay.