Saanya Sodhi

Saanya Sodhi is a young writer, based out of New Delhi. Saanya uses free style poetry to give form to her feelings, thoughts and opinions. Love is one of her favourite feelings to give shape to through her writings. She wishes to grow more with each passing day as a writer. She goes by the pen name Spero and also uses the hashtag #speŇēowritesūüĆľ, to display her writings.

That Night

By Saanya Sondhi

At 5 in no time, I scroll through all my content apps,
I scroll through my social media

I see how songs from another age make my friends feel warm
I however lay here, in this infinite cold just scrolling. 

I have so much content, content to go through, so many words to learn and study through
But all I want at this brink of dawn is to talk to you

Talk about how the universe was made, how the matter that’s light is not even one-fourth of this universe
And how we’re just a tiny speck,¬† a nothing in that something.
 
How I’m something everywhere, but how I’m not everything
How my memories juxtapose at this time of the twenty four hours

I want to talk to you about the marvels of the universe and the marvel cinematic universe,
I want to talk of everything I know and listen to everything you have to say. 

I want tell you about my fascinating horror of numbers
I want to tell you about my love letters, the ones I wrote to space.

I want to hear about your life and about your last love,
I can talk hours about love only if you’d like to listen….
 
I’ve written speeches on ambition, on dreams that are yet to take form,
I could tell you about how I’ve adored and waited for the stars when everyone I knew was busy clicking the sun lit sky.

Just like I waited for them I’ll even wait for you,¬†
For that night to come one day when we’d talk about life, analyse Beauvoir’s works,¬†appreciate Marsha’s existence

When we’d, undress each other’s scars and listen to our heartbeats and to our hidden muffled screams.¬†
For that day when the galaxy will shine and the universe will align

I’ll wait for that night, for you to realise …..

Good With Words

By Saanya Sondhi

Good with words,
People say I’m good with words
How my words are raw and how I am great at putting alphabets in lines that make sense.

I’m still scared to go deeper with my cuts, more than I am scared to go deeper with my words
I think it’s a good thing, maybe for the world it is.

The colour red pacifies me when the ques of alphabets don’t
Maybe if I was gone, maybe then someone would see me.

I’m screaming for help
But the buds of their own life are between me and them,
Why am I too poor for them?

There’s a voice screaming in my head,
Laying, saying maybe I’m not worth it,
pictures showing maybe I’m not.

My conscious knows I believe in case studies, my mind making me my own.
I am my own victim, I am the universe’s victim.
But I can’t say it out loud.

Knowing that I don’t have happiness is so much easier to accept,
than knowing that I’m meant to give is so much beautiful than what it truly is.

Tears have put me to sleep more than sleep when it came to lie with me,
Screams have tired me more than fatigue,
when I saw starvation as a pretty look on me.

The voices that become miserable sounds in my head tell me that I am my own victim.
Those sounds overlap to become cries of help to no one listening.

I often wonder what can be more important than me on the verge of dying for them.
I often wonder where they are when I’m closer to the knife than I am to my bed on which I’m lying.

There’s not miles but even more of skin that I can see is wrong.
There’s this figure in the mirror that I can see is not worth it.

As I tip-tap my fingers on my screen my cheeks become wet,
as I pull down my panel to see my hopes fade away.

I shouldn’t, I know, I shouldn’t be angry,
but when I see them crying over a broken heart
I want to show my soul to them.
I want to show how no adherent could fix the cracks the shreds of black.

I’m closer to death than I’ve ever been to life.

Young Love and The Rain

By Saanya Sodhi

Young love makes me as happy as the feeling of my cotton dress on my legs, flying in the direction of the wind, going with the wind

I recently learned what a pluviophile is, euphoria took over me as I found another word synonymous with my name

The petrichor makes me feel at home even when I’m not, the wetness of the rain replaced tears on my cheeks

I feel happy in the rain, imagining and re-imagining scenes from movies that happened and from my life that never did

I see a lot of young love around me today, I’m at that age when the little girl that was always scared of the rain thought she would live through young love

But all I live is see and the only way I live, vicariously

I was once scared of the rain, I thought it would flood our homes, that was before emotions flooded my heart and numbness my body

I thought our house would break under the pressure of water but that was before the pressures of love and life scared me much more

I used to think after the rain only wooden boats could save us, the boats of hope have proven otherwise

The me then wanted to live to see love, the me today wants to live for the same

Just that then I was a girl who was in love with love, no complexities, no questions

And today I am the girl who wants to understand all about Aphrodite, Apollo and Inanna

I am heart broken and a boy didn’t break my heart.


			

Anoushka Radhakrishnan

Anoushka Radhakrishnan has been writing ever since she was ten years old and presently performs at various Slam Poetry events in New Delhi. She writes about feminism and mental health. She would love to publish her own book one day !

The Difference Between A Compliment And A Catcall

By Anoushka Radhakrishnan

I don’t wear dresses anymore.¬†
I don’t wear dresses
because dresses have consequences.
I’m fifteen and I’m walking on the sidewalk next to my school,
I am wearing my school uniform
You’re twenty eight and driving¬†a bike¬†
I wonder what you think 
before you cat call. 

Do you think I’m¬†a cos player?¬†
Pretending to be underage? 
Or do you think this is a porno? 
Do you think I am walking in front of you 
deliberately? 
Hoping you’ll notice my¬†
undefined body?

‘He’s just offering a compliment, learn to accept it.’
A compliment? 
A compliment is 
‘Hi, you look nice.’
‘You’re such a kind person’
‘I really like your smile.’
not 
‘Hey, sexy! Wanna come with me?’
Haha, get the joke?
because clearly, he did too.

It’s a compliment?
Is that what your mom told you 
when you were catcalled?
Is that what her mom told her when 
she was catcalled?
That it is just somebody
appreciating
your femininity,
no.
He does not appreciate your beauty
and he doesn’t see you as a woman
but as 
a toy.
a mannequin.
a doll.


You are not a doll, 
You are a human being.
You were born in this world
to live 
Not to feel uncomfortable
by someone else’s doings
and then be told 
you are not uncomfortable,
a compliment does not make you 
feel uncomfortable,
a catcall does.
It wasn’t a compliment then¬†
and it isn’t a compliment now.


I’m fifteen.¬†
I want to go home
happy and content. 
I want to go to a party
happy and content.
I want to be 
happy and content.
A compliment makes you feel
happy and content
a catcall makes you feel 
disgusted 
and dirty 
and unsafe 
and not human.

I am fifteen 
and I am wearing my school uniform, 
and I do not appreciate you
raking your eyes up and down 
my body like it is a joyride,
a carnival.
no, 
my body is not a roller-coaster,
my body is not candy,
my body is not yours to enjoy.

I’m fifteen,
I’m twenty,
I’m thirty,
I’m forty,¬†
and I know the difference between 
a compliment and a catcall
because 
I know the difference
between
a person who respects me
and a person who wants to 
drug me.

I know the difference between a compliment and a catcall
like I know the difference between
my home and that 
god damn sidewalk.
I know the difference between 
a compliment and a catcall
because I know the difference between 
feeling good and
feeling dirty. 

I know the difference between
a compliment and a catcall 
just like I know the difference
between consented sex 
and rape.
I know the difference between
a compliment and a catcall 
because
there’s only one¬†
that considers 
my consent.

I know the difference between a compliment
and a
catcall 
because both flatter me yet 
there’s only one¬†
I want to accept.